A good day!

So today has been a good day. After my complete emotional breakdown last night I needed a day like today. It went by so quickly. Seems like the days are going by and I know it will only be a short time til I am looking back at this whole nightmare saying I can't believe how long its been. I look so forward to staring into Elijah's eyes and just embracing the gift that God has let me keep. Knowing to that I will always have a part of Ethan in Eli. I started reading this book about Job and in only reading the first chapter it gave me a strong realization. Satan is scared of me and he thinks by all the things he has done to me that I will eventually walk away from my faith. Well let me tell you that is not going to happen. You would think by now that he would get the point. I am strong, determined and too much of a fighter to ever give up. God made me that way and although I have not always used the skills to the best of my ability he knew this day would come and I would need to find the strength and determination to go on. I got an email today from someone very special who reminded me that God does have a plan, and it really made me think....I know God is changing someone's heart somewhere, whether that be my dad, my brothers or someone I have never met he is doing a work. I talked to Patti today for such a long time and I said one of the smartest things I think I've said in a long time. (Even she was impressed ;) ) I am here crying out to God, letting him know that I am ready to stand on top of the mountain. I do not want to be in the valley anymore!! If I could ask for one thing it would not be to bring Ethan back because it would be unfair to bring him back to this imperfect, immoral world. But it would be to just let Elijah grow up to be what his name has called him to be. If you pray for anything for my family please let it be for my children. That they would become all that God has created them to be. That is what I am going to focus on from now on. Praise God! Until the next time..........