its been a very hard few days

Psalm 139:13-16
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb....my frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the secret place....all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
* i feel like every devotion i have done this week has had to do with pregnancy and even a mother giving birth to a child who had passed. part of me feels like i'm being tortured yet God is continuing to do a work in my heart through all of this heartache. i sit hear typing with tears running down my cheeks. i am so emotionally exhausted and so ready for all of this to be over, but i'm trying to trust in God and nothing else that there is a purpose for all of this heartache. i can't express how thankful i am to the Lord for Elijah but i am mourning so badly that my whole body aches. i finally understand the phrase my heart hurts. i feel like part of me is dying and i don't want that. how am i supposed to say hello & goodbye to a child that i have bonded with but don't know? how am i supposed to take my healthy baby home and collect my family and go back to normal life? i just am really becoming weary. i have faith and trust in God and i am so determined to find the best out of this situation. i sit here praising God while i listen to my Israel CD but feel so broken at the same time. how can i feel both emotions at the same time? is this what God has wanted for me all along? to finally be broken and completley lean on him? well i can say that i am broken and vunerable to all God has in store for me. Lord i am here calling out to you to save me and to bring me joy, peace, rest; all the things you promised you would give us if we asked. right now i want all of those so i can be happy. i hope that somewhere this blog or my situation is touching someones heart in an incredible way. i have been listening to this song and that is what i am going to leave you with.......


People walking by very seldom they say hi
They don't know how wonderful you are
If they only knew all the things
You've been through
If only they could see your heart

I hear you crying for help
Please don't blame yourself

You are not forgotten
You are not forgotten

When its time to go to sleep
And you try your best to keep
Yourself from falling apart
There's no need to fear because I'm already here
And I'm the one who sees your heart

I hear you crying for help
Please don't blame yourself

You are not forgotten
You are not forgotten

You are not just a face in the crowd
You are not a forgotten child
Let me whisper it loud I love you

Now you can hold your head up high
Cause I'll make everything alright
I'm committed to you smiling again
And eventually you'll see people's similarities
That everyone just needs a friend

And when you're crying for help
You'll be able to tell them please tell them for Me

You are not forgotten
You are not forgotten

Now if this isn't God speaking straight to you or me I don't know what is. I have found so much comfort in this song and I hope it can bring comfort to other people who are going through their own trials and tribulations. Just always remember that there is someone else somewhere else going through something much worse than you are. Until the next time......