tears of joy

i think today that nathan finally got ahold of his emotions with all of this and somewhat dealt with them. it has been building and building inside of him and he came to the point where he said enough is enough. i am so proud of the man that i am married to and he is such a great father. i think instead of looking at this as a tragedy he is finally seeing the good in that he will have two sons to carry on his name. God has blessed him with that much. we will always have fond thoughts and memories of ethan but God has still given us the responsibilities of bringing up two boys. i'm sitting here with tears welled up in my eyes but not out of sadness. i am crying tears of joy knowing that my little elijah is so determined to fight and grow. the doctors are extremely happy with his progress, how much he weighs; just his will to live. i keep joking that i am going to struggle having two strong willed children, but deep inside my heart i am so giddie about it. i know they get their determination from me. i hope that noah and elijah grow up to be the best of friends. that they will understand one and other and help each other through hard times. well that's about all i have in me tonight. the last couple of days have been a blur. echo tomorrow to check the status of eli's heart. i believe all will go well. until the next time......